my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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