You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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