You can't special order awesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
