You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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