found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
