Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Drunk is not a location!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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