I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
