This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
