the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
