At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
