I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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