I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
