It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize