New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
