Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
