I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
