i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
