He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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