: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We are two peas in an std pod
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
