Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
