So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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