I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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