Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
