carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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