I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
