I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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