Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
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you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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