Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
