I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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