Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
