i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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