It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
