I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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