just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He passed out mid-signature
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
