My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
