Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
