I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
