Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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