All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
