the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
