I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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