This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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