if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
