I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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