Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
