Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I met the friendliest cop last night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
