the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
