I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
