What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No subtext here. People are naked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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