I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
