i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
