dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
