Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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