If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I didn't notice because vodka
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
