yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
