I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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