East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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