I hate all girls vehemently.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
