i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
