I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
is it fun? or sober?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
