my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
