can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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