Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I looked at my own cervix.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
