How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
