You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
