Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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