Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
