I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
