oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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