I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize
