i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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