I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
