I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
