So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
